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The Pembrokeshire Football League has announced radical changes to its offside rules, granting club-appointed linesmen final say on all offside decisions.
Gone are the days when referees would perform their traditional pre-match ritual: the stern march across muddy pitches towards each manager, thrusting a slightly bent flag into reluctant hands while delivering the age-old mantra, "You can flag what you want, but my decision will be final, I call what I see." This sacred tradition, performed on windswept playing fields since time immemorial, has been unceremoniously binned.
The seismic shift comes after what insiders describe as a "heated debate lasting nearly seven minutes" at the monthly referees' meeting. Veteran referee Alan Boswell explained the rationale: "The rule was pointless, because the levels of honesty at this level is so high, we know we can trust the club men."
The linesmen themselves—a rotating cast of characters ranging from actual team managers to substitutes nursing hangovers, to bemused dog walkers who made the fatal error of pausing too long by the touchline—have welcomed this newfound responsibility with characteristic Pembrokeshire enthusiasm.
Darren Lewis, who frequently serves as linesman for Johnston FC when not tending to First Aid duties, was particularly thrilled: "It's brilliant, isn't it? Last week I couldn't tell you if their striker was offside because because I was too busy arguing with our player about my last decision, but now my decisions are final! Lovely stuff."
Speedy forward Josh Knapp shared his thoughts on the revolutionary change: "As an attacker, I'm often unsure whether my toes have just crept past the last defender, so knowing now that the opposition's linesman will have full autonomy to make this call helps rest my mind that the right decision will be made."
Meanwhile, veteran defender Ryan Hayward also expressed his delight: "This is great news for me as I like to play a high line with an offside trap. As long as my fellow centre back and full backs aren't in completely different positions to me as I wander up field, I know I don't have to worry about a dodgy offside decision costing us a goal."
The League Chairman has attempted to reassure skeptics: "We believe this bold move recognises the extraordinary levels of impartiality displayed by club-appointed officials. The fact that the linesmen's own sons are often playing for the team they represent is merely a coincidence and has absolutely no bearing on their decision-making whatsoever."
The new rule will come into effect this Saturday. In a completely unrelated development, the league has also announced plans to extend match durations to accommodate the expected increase in post-offside-decision debates, which officials estimate could add up to two hours to each fixture.
